I swear she didn't look like that last week.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
