I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
