half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
