You smell like stripper and shame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
