my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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