remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
