god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
