There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
