We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
