Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
