so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
