I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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