Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
