so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
