the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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