If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
