My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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