I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
