The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
