May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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