I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize