He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
