how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
