my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
