My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
