i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
