Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
