you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
