what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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