The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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