If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
