This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
