3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
