i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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