I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
