9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize