cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
