Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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