the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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