i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
