Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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