Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize