i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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