If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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