is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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