if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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