i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
