Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
