I'm going to jail i love you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Randomize
