Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
