Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
