i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
