Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
