I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
vagina is talking i cant
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize