so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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