If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
