clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
