It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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