Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize