mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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