I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
