I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
