I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
