Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
