There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We are two peas in an std pod
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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