24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She bit a glass in half.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
