Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
