We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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