do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
