yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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