by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
