i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
