yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
