Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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