I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
