she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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