just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
