He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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