Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
