It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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