You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
