Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
