Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize