The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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