She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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