hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
