I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
