i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
