Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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