Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize