And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize