This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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