I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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