i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
