She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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