So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
