Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
