Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
