She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
