hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
