Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
