My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
