You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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