Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
