i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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