Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
