i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
