We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
