I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
