Will you blow on my dice?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize