if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
