Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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