life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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