Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
