My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
