I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
