I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
