hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
